the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
