and i looked up. we had an audience...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
