ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
