uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
