then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
