I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
