I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
