Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
