I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
