well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
