Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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