My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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