you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
