"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
