My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
