what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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