i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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