I'm eating all of the evidence.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
