recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
