you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
