I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
