I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
