turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
