And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
