Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
