Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A+ Viking dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
