Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
