the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
