He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
