I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
