Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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