Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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