I bet he comes in French.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
