I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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