dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
