Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
