You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
