If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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