I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
