he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
