her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
