Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
