I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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