Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
