I'm eating all of the evidence.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
