I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
