This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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