He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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