My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
