My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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