Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
