Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
