I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
