we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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