Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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