i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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