The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
