I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
