So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
