I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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